Sometimes when you’re in the middle of a toxic work culture, it’s hard to recognize just how damaging it really is. My first clue was how off I felt first coming in. The atmosphere felt strange and heavy but I just couldn’t put my finger on what the deal was. It took me a few months to realize that I was in The Twilight Zone. For a long while, I thought it was just me. I questioned myself and my abilities and eventually started to unconsciously question my worth. But the truth is: the environment was what was broken, not me.
If you’ve been feeling emotionally drained, walking on eggshells, or dreading your workday more than usual, here are some clear signs you might be in a toxic or narcissistic space.
A Few Signs to Watch Out For
- Constant Micromanagement: Your every move is monitored or criticized. There’s no trust in your ability to work independently.
Fortunately, my years as a teacher were stellar when it came to micro management. We were trusted, and my principals didn’t have the time for this nonsense. After all, why would we spend years in school just to continue to have our hands held six to seven years later upon completion. I welcomed it when Administration stopped by, as I was very confident in my teaching and my student’s abilities and behaviour. When they did stop by, nice compliments were given, sometimes sandwiched with smart suggestions. These actions solidified respect and healthy connections.
However, when I stepped out of teaching and into management, unfortunately, I jumped into a frying pan of administrators that did not respect nor treat their teachers like I had been treated. Teachers dreaded their weekly visits because after each one was a long copious note about everything they did wrong. One administrator said, “ I rarely give compliments. They have to do something really special to earn those.” Write ups happened often if teachers were lagging behind the days schedule. Or if a first grader accidentally pee’d their pants. I had never witnessed such high anxiety before.
- Credit is Stolen, Blame is Assigned: Your ideas are taken without acknowledgment, but you’re the first to be blamed when something goes wrong.
Yep, taking responsibility for anything is a no no.
- Emotional Manipulation: Guilt-tripping, gaslighting, or favoritism are used to control and divide employees.
Now this one can be subtle and often hard to identify at first. It’s when someone tries to use your emotions, like guilt, fear, or confusion to control your actions, decisions, or self-worth. Overtime, these actions can chip away at your confidence and clarity.
Here are some examples:
Guilt Tripping: “I thought you were a team player, but I guess I was wrong.”
They make you feel bad for setting boundaries or saying no, even when your workload is already too heavy.
Gas Lighting: You bring up a concern, and they respond with, “That never happened,” or “You’re just too sensitive.”
This makes you question your memory, your feelings, and your reality, so you eventually stop speaking up.
Blame Shifting: You follow instructions exactly, but when something goes wrong, they say, “Well, you should’ve known better.”
You’re left feeling responsible for things outside your control, and over time, this erodes your confidence.
Creating Urgency to Force Compliance: “If you don’t do this now, we’ll all look bad.”
They use panic or fear of letting others down to push you into overworking or accepting unfair demands.
- No Boundaries: You’re expected to be available 24/7, and saying “no” is viewed as disloyal or lazy.
- Unclear or Shifting Expectations: Your responsibilities change frequently, often without warning or proper support.
In my case, I was hired on as a coordinator, then asked a few weeks later to coordinate something else. Next thing you know, I was no longer asked but told I needed to jump through hoops like other certain employees to earn my keep. Before I decided to take the walk of no return, they piled on three coordinator positions including the job of 5th grade teacher for ½ of the day after he took his walk of no return. An impossible venture. He was the 6th person to quit that year.
- Recognition is Rare, Criticism is Constant: You’re rarely acknowledged for your contributions, but your mistakes are magnified.
I literally was chastised after complimenting a teacher’s work, and questioning a teacher’s punishment. “If you’re not for us, your against us” they said.
Huh, Aren’t we all suppose to be for the greater good of one another? Wishful thinking.
- Fear-Based Culture: Employees are afraid to speak up or make mistakes. Silence is mistaken for harmony.
This is what through me off guard, at first. The employees were like robots, offering strained niceties in effort to stay in good graces with the Queen Bee’s; they made great efforts to stay in their rooms and out of dodge, and had so much to say behind the Queens’ backs but never was confident enough to speak up at meetings for fear of retaliation.
- High Turnover or Burnout Rates: People are always leaving, or they’re physically present but mentally and emotionally checked out.
Fourteen out of twenty-three of us left that year.
Ways to Survive While You’re Still in It
- Document Everything: Keep records of emails, assignments, feedback, and any troubling interactions. This can protect you if issues escalate.
- Establish Boundaries: Set clear limits on your time and energy. Say no when you need to, and take your breaks.
- Don’t Take It Personally: Understand that narcissistic environments reflect the insecurities of leadership, not your value.
- Build a Support Network: Talk to a trusted friend, therapist, or mentor outside of work. Don’t isolate yourself.
- Find Small Joys: Create moments of peace in your day, listen to music, journal, or take a walk at lunch to reset your nervous system.
- Strategically Plan Your Exit: If the situation doesn’t improve, start mapping a way out. Polish your resume. Network. Know your worth.
Final Thought
You deserve to be in a work environment that respects your humanity, not just your productivity. If something feels off, trust your gut. Toxicity isn’t always loud; it can be quiet, subtle, and disguised as “just how things are.”
You’re not crazy. You’re not weak. You’re just waking up.
Have you ever survived a toxic workplace? Share your story. Your voice might help someone else reclaim their peace.